Hi friends,
It is nearly a month since Layla passed, and I am having to learn to live without her which is not easy. She is constantly in my thoughts; I keep questioning myself did I do enough for her and driving myself nuts.
For the past three years with NO regret, I gave up everything to look after her as she aged, did everything possible to keep her healthy and happy and honestly, I was afraid to leave her alone just in case there was an earthquake or some other disaster in my building. I did not sleep at night as I was checking on her plus taking her out when she wanted to go out, so my life was topsy turvy.
I now am having to relearn so much about me and catch up on medical issues and so much more. Yes, it is easy but overwhelming as such as I still mentally worry about her, so I am afraid to go out.
I have packed her bed and blankets away, the strollers are ready for donation to Muttville Senior Dog Rescue, her toy basket with all the toys are still in the same place, her box where she used to love hiding from me LOL is still standing next to the desk, the last of her treats I am giving to a friend this week and going through her things I am sure another rescue will get.
This I made from a wooden fruit box into an indoor kennel which she loved
Last weekend I did not blog as I needed to rethink my life, what I am going to do and how to move forward, so I went to a Carnival, stayed maybe an hour, and came home but I need to do this as I cannot just stay in the house. I have also gone to see the sea lions at Pier 39 but each time I go out I feel empty without her stroller and her, so it is not easy for me but am pushing myself.
I am also learning about people around me, one person asked me where Layla was one day and when I told him she had passed away his reply was OH I thought I smelt death on her the last time I saw her, I was mortified that a person can say something like that but from that second I do not even greet him but walk right past him like he does not exist. Another person with a dog asked me where Layla was, I told him, he had tears in his eyes and said I am so sorry, she was my celebrity in a stroller that I so loved seeing each day, that brought a smile to my face that she had made that impact. I am also so overwhelmed with all the messages I have received, comments on my blog about her, it has made me smile with tears to know she was so loved by so many in real life and on social media. I have been spoiled with wonderful gifts from Kamira Gayle, you can see her items in her store
https://www.redbubble.com/people/impurrfectlife/shop,
I am drinking from her coffee mug all the time, using her tote bag and am going to put the picture of the Rainbow Bridge with the poem on my wall this weekend. A close friend of mine brought me flowers, and another bless him brought me lots of chicken soup with matza balls to make sure I eat, I cannot thank them and others enough for all they have done for me, including the donation to the JNF to have a tree planted in her name plus a donation to PAWS in her name. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
I was surprised yesterday to see this on a FB group owned by Cherokee Billie the animal communicator, Ralph had written the below which brought tears to my eyes:
Dear Mom,
This marks over three weeks since I left your side
In the basket, I departed, with a peaceful pride
No more suffering, no more pain
Just eternal rest, and a love that remains
I know you miss me, and it’s hard to bear
But remember, I’m with you, always there
In the darkness of night, a star shines bright
That’s me, Layla, guiding you with all my might
I was with you for 14 years, and oh so dear
We shared laughter, tears, and memories so clear
Though my physical body is gone, my spirit stays near
Watching over you, with a love that casts out fear
Don’t be sad, dear mom, for I am at peace
No more suffering, just eternal release
My house may be empty, but your heart is full
Of memories we made, and a love that stands tall
In the darkness of night, look up to the sky
And you’ll see my star shining bright, and I’ll be nigh
Forever with you, in spirit and in heart
Your loving Layla, never to depart.”
By Ralph Poulette
I always loved this facial expression as if to say another photo leave me alone
With lots of thought, love from everyone, I am tomorrow, Friday taking Layla on her last adventure with her aunt whom we did so many adventures with, to a lake where there are ducks, turtles and so much more and we are going to spread her ashes so that she can fly in the wind and be free from her box. I feel that is what she would want is that total freedom and I am giving it to her tomorrow, Alice and I are going to have a picnic next to the lake and set her free so she can dance in the wind, fly like a butterfly and be in the place that she loved. A place on earth I call heaven.
Where do I go from here, to keep Layla’s legacy going on her blog, speaking against animal abuse, Domestic Violence, breeders, overcrowded shelters and so much more as we must be the voice for the voiceless and never keep quiet.
People have asked me if I plan to get a new fur kid, once I have healed I will open my heart to another rescue as my home is empty, my heart is empty and Layla would want that from me.
Please hug your fur kids tonight, make memories as tomorrow is never promised.
With peace, love, and light.
Layla’s Mom
