Good Morning,
October has arrived and with it the Month of Domestic Violence Awareness. This is a topic that is very close to my heart as I am a proud survivor.
I am one of the lucky ones that managed to get away with my little dog, hid at a friend and then moved to a new city where we were both helped. If I had left her I know my ex would have carried on abusing her so the minute I could run, we ran.
Baby since has passed away, but she was my inspiration, my hero, my trooper and my lifeline through those dark days, and when she passed it was when I was finally in my own home so she knew I was safe, and could then open my doors to a new pup, and Layla arrived to live with me. Layla wears a tag that says: Shelter Survivor which speaks for both of us. Layla as you know has since crossed the Rainbow Bridge so Nili wears the Shelter Survivor Tag as it speaks for me and for her as she was rescued from a shelter.
Today I am not going to talk about me, but “The Power and Control Wheel” of Animal Abuse and Domestic Violence. This gives us a better understanding as to what happens behind closed doors, and why so many victims stay in the relationships.
- Threats – The abuser will threaten to kill or abuse the pet during the relationship or if left behind. (I stayed in mine as to protect Baby.)
- Isolation – Refusing vet care for the pet. Isolating the victim that the pet also suffers as it is not socialized with other dogs. It is as if you are living in a cage.
- Emotional Abuse – Giving away or killing the pet to take away her source of unconditional love.
- Economical Abuse – Refusing to permit her to buy pet food or vet care
- Legal Abuse – Custody battles over pets. This is heart breaking as they file charges against the victim claiming theft if she leaves with the pet.
- Intimidation – Harming or killing the pet and then saying to the victim “Next time it will be you…..” They do this to family and friends who assist with the victim and pets getting away.
- Denying and blaming – Blaming the victim or the pet when something happens.
An abuser will want to control everything, and if he or she does not have that, we, the humans, kids or pets become the victims of his or her anger, although he/she will never admit it.
So when people reach out and talk about wanting to leave a Domestic Violence relationship but cannot leave their pets, these are some of the reasons and I from experience would have rather carried on suffering the abuse to make sure Baby was safe, than left her in a house where she would suffer.
Pets do not understand abuse the way we do and they should not have to suffer at the hands of an abuser of any kind as they give us the unconditional love and loyalty that unfortunately humans do not do.
October is also the National Month of Adopt a Shelter Dog Month so reach out to a Shelter and give a dog a new home, as I always say about Layla – from pound to princess.
Be safe, have a wonderful week, with a woof of love from
Nili
What a difficult topic. I spent many years as a temp foster for rescues and seeing the results of abuse first hand. However as a temp i never had any foster in my home for more than a week and my role was just to provide behavioral profiles and feeding habits.
Victoria thank you for fostering every day counts for the dogs and I admire those that foster. Domestic Violence is a difficult topic but we cannot keep quiet as by talking about it we might save someone.
I am so glad you got out and were able to take your pet too. I feel this is why women’s shelters should allow pets. Many women won’t leave because they can’t bring their furry loved ones.
Thank you Andrea, I was very blessed with Baby and times are changing slowly, shelters are opening their doors to pets but it can be complicated also which I will talk about in another blog.
I know you were brave enough to escape, and you do such a great job of educating the public and I’m sure encouraging others experiencing that abuse to get help. I know some shelters do accept pets, and there are organisations that find temporary homes for pets that aren’t welcome. I hope more will change their policy and realise survivors have been through enough without having the suffer another loss.
Hindy I agree with you and more and more shelters are letting pets in, I was fortunate to have the Organization for Domestic Violence foster Baby so she was safe and happy as it is a hard decision for DV survivors when it comes to pets but the world is changing for the good.
Any and all abuse is disgusting. A long time ago we were out with a couple and neither of us had any idea she was an abused spouse (they didn’t have pets). In the back seat of our car he started beating his wife. I calmly pulled to the side of the road, opened the back door, drug him out and beat the crap out of him. I have no idea how he got home since they live in another town. The wife moved in with us for a while and was finally able to get a fresh start. I’m so happy you were able to get that fresh start. Thanks for joining Angel Brian’s Thankful Thursday Blog Hop!
Terry thank you so much for saving her and helping her get on her feet, you are a hero and unfortunately most happens behind closed doors so not many are aware of what is going on. I was blessed to get away with Baby and live a peaceful life now.Thank you as always for your Thankful Thursday Blog Hop it is one of the highlights of my week.
What a blessing your story is to survivors everywhere. May we keep supporting people with love, respect and dignity until there are no abuse victims left.
Thank you and I so agree with you and that is why we must not be quiet
I’m so glad you made it out safely. Baby definitely was with you to help you and guide you to safety. I’ve been seeing different companies stepping up and providing safe shelters to stay at with your fur kid. It’s about time! Layla definitely picked up the chore of looking after you from Baby. Now, Nili is doing a good job keeping you safe and on your toes. This is such an important article. I’m sharing with all my pet parents. Henry says Nili needs a cookie.
Terri Baby was my hero and rock during that period of my life and I was blessed to get her out with me. Shelters are changing and helping survivors run with pets as they have to be in confidential housing also so that the Abuser cannot find them. I was so blessed to have Layla help me through the hard times after Baby passed away and now Nili is doing the job but still learning also. We must share to let others know that it is possible but hard. Nili says thank you Henry for the cookie and make sure you get one too.
So important…and not an easy topic to discuss. I always admire how brave you were to break away and start a new life for you and Baby, and still advocate for others! Bravo to you! Pinning this to share and serve as inspiration to others. xo
Dorothy thank you so much for your kind words and support, it is not easy but a must also and we need to speak out as hopefully it will help others, thank you for sharing too.
Thanks for sharing your story. I knew someone who worked with temporary and permanent homes for animals in DV situations. It can be very hard to ensure that everyone makes it out in these situations. Several times, the abused person made sure their pets were safe first before they attempted to leave.
Tiffany thank you for reading my story as by me sharing I pray it helps others and wow that person must have been really special to help the pets. It is very scary and difficult to make sure your pet is safe before leaving or when leaving as you never know what the abuser is capable of doing.