Happy Friday Everyone,
October has begun and this month is a very important month for me as we will be talking about Domestic Violence and how it affects both Humans and Pets. This is also the reason I am such a strong advocate against abuse for both Humans and Animals.
To start off the month I decided to once again share my story, as I am a survivor, a proud survivor that got away and now has a voice to speak up.
I met Baby, a tan Chiweenie, while I was visiting the SPCA in Southern California. She had just been surrendered by her family. It was love at first sight. Her loving eyes and beautiful face just made me want to hold her and keep her. They kept her for 48 hours to spay her and check her out, and then I fetched her.
Baby changed my life from the moment she came to live with my now ex-husband and me.At home, I was a victim of domestic violence on a daily basis. With Baby around, I finally had an excuse to get out of the house, by telling my ex I was taking her for a walk.I went for long walks with her, which helped me get away from the stress I was submerged in day after day.My life was hard. My ex controlled the money, the computer, the phone, everything. He didn’t give me access to bank accounts, I was not allowed to answer the telephone, I could not check e-mails, not even the mail box.I was isolated from the outside world, including my friends and family. When I was allowed to talk to them, he sat right next to me, so I could not say much. He timed me when I went to the supermarket or went shopping. If I was a bit longer than expected, I got yelled at. His constant emotional abuse was to me harder than any physical abuse, since body wounds heal quicker than emotions. I was walking on eggshells all the time.
No matter what I did, to him it always looked wrong. Baby kept me going with her loving personality, her wanting cuddles, her unconditional love. And the moment we had a chance, I packed up with her and ran. We found shelter with a friend, who hid us until we could get our lives organized.We were penniless, but I knew in my heart that all would fall slowly into place once we were safe and by ourselves.
Upon arrival in San Francisco, Baby was fostered by some wonderful women from the Domestic Violence Organization Shalom Bayit (Their link is on my links page) and when possible she became the first dog accepted into a domestic violence shelter. (In another post I will discuss the pros and cons of having a pet in a Shelter)
I finally found our own little place we called home and were living a peaceful happy life with lots of laughter, fun and so much more.
10/5/10 Baby, my little trooper, my angel, my everything, grew her wings and crossed the Rainbow Bridge. She had contracted IMHA and within 48 hours passed. It was one of the hardest days of my life, one I will never forget as she had kept me going during my darkest hours.
My friend said something to me which sticks in my mind “Baby came into your life at a time you both needed each other, and left when she knew you were safe so that you could rescue another”
In January 2011 Layla arrived, and the rest is history.
If you are in a Domestic Violence Situation you can go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline :
Tel : 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or their website :
If you are in the situation we were in, know that where there is a will there is a way. Against all odds, Baby and I did it. You can do it, too and today compared to when I did it there is so much more assistance out there for you.
So we are asking everyone this month to share our story as it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and by sharing maybe we can help others.
Please be safe, Baby and Layla’s Mom
What a heartfelt story. The bond between you and baby must’ve been so special and a lifeline for each other. Thank you for sharing this important message.
Thank you for reading my story Melanie and I agree she was my rock during the hard times
Thank you so much for sharing this story. I know it’s a difficult topic to talk about, but I think domestic violence is such an important topic to discuss both for humans and animals. Dogs really can get us through the hardest parts in our lives, so I am so glad that you had Baby by your side, and I’m happy that you were able to get out of that horrible situation. <3
Thank you Molly and so true, we need to speak out so that our voice can be heard and help others.
I can’t imagine how this must have felt, I’m so sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you are able to breathe again because of a very special pup. Thank you for sharing your story and making others aware of Domestic Violence and to find a way out and get help. (From Dachshund Station)
Thank you for reading my story and I hope by sharing my story I will be able to help someone else 🙂
I’m so glad you got out of that situation, I think people don’t realize how hard it is to escape an abuser when they have control of the finances, or you just don’t have the resources to get out. But there’s always hope. Dogs really do save us in ways that they don’t even realize.
Lindsay I so agree with you and I am one of the lucky ones, dogs save us in so so many ways and we are blessed to have them in our lives, Thank you
Pets are so often overlooked when it comes to domestic violence issues–so sad. They suffer at least as much as the bipedal family members.
I so agree with you Jana and that is why we need to speak out
Reading your experience of an abusive relationship always brings a multitude of emotions! I’m glad that you had Baby during those terrible times and were able to escape with her. Until I started reading your blog, I didn’t know that pets were used as leverage against a person. I hope more shelters will start providing a place for pets (either on or off-site) and hopefully, there will be more effective programs to stop abusers in the first place.
Thank you Beth and yes I was blessed. I am also hoping more programs will start to help those in DV relationships with pets so that they pets can be saved too
There is a lot of publicity on Facebook at the moment about pets and domestic violence. I hope that this and your story will give women the courage to run and take their pets with them. Baby was a rock form you and women need their pets and their family with them.
Well done for speaking up. Domestic violence and things like mental illness should not be swept under the carpet.
Marjorie I agree with you and we need to speak up as each time we do we might be helping someone else, thank you for speaking out also
I am so glad you and Baby found one another! I too believe that animals come into our lives in a physical, however, more importantly, a spiritual form. There is something about them that is so pure, and that translates to angelic blessings. They are sent to us for reasons, to teach us, to allow ourselves to learn to love unselfishly, and to also love who we are/who we become. I always call our dogs “little Buddhas!”
What a perfect way to call them “Little Buddhas” love it and so true
Baby is your spirit animal. Came to you when needed. Thank you for Sharing your story! Dog bless you!
Thank you Holli
You brought tears to my eyes Layla. I can relate so much to your story. My baby Duke also helped through my darkest hours in my relationship with my narcissistic ex husband. Duke has also crossed the Rainbow Bridge since then, and I now have a fulfilling relationship and another beautiful poodle to love and adore. Thanks for sharing this story. These furry kids can truly be of so much help and offer so much love through are darkest days.
Ruth thank you for your comment and I am so happy to hear you are free. I am so sorry about Duke and the hardest was saying good bye to Baby but like you having a new one in our life gives us so much and we are very blessed to have them in our lives
I’m weeping and through tears trying to write this. You’re such an inspiration. Not only to victims of domestic violence but for reasons why we should rescue and not shop for pets. Win win for all concerned. Am so happy you escaped with Baby and happy to have met you here. And Thsnk you for sharing
Thank you Arlene for your kind words and yes I am blessed to have got away. I hope that by sharing we can help others and like you said rescue and not shop for pets.
A worthy reminder for everyone who thinks it’s not relevant now. Women are even more at risk and the world is not a safe place for them. Men need to remember this.
Amen Marjorie so true, the world is not a safe place especially in certain countries but men need to understand and respect women if they want them to respect them
Thank you for sharing your story. The world works in wonderous ways and brought you what you needed. May Baby always be with you and help continue guiding you when you need it most.
Thank you Victoria and the world is a wonderful place in many ways as it helped me heal with all the wonderful women around me and of course Baby who I miss daily
I can’t imagine how difficult that experience was for you, but you’re such an incredibly strong woman and a great advocate to help those who are having a harder time leaving. Dogs help us through the best and worst times, and having Baby was obviously such a blessing. I just hope your ex was thrown in jail and suffered the consequences for his actions.
Hindy thank you for your kind words and yes Baby was a blessing in so many ways. As for my ex I have no clue what has happened to him as I cut all ties with him and his family when I ran and it has made my life more peaceful.
Excellent message. We must all stay aware of the dangers and pain caused by domestic violence to domestic partners, children, and pets. I’m glad there are more resources now than ever, but we need more – and more shelters that will accept pets. I really like your Break the Silence graphic, it’s powerful and beautiful.
Thank you Cathy for reading my post and yes we need to speak out as our voices might just help someone who needs it and although there are more resources today than when I ran they need more especially for pets. Thank you for your compliment about my graphic. Be safe
Oh my gosh. I know it has been years, but I am so sorry for the loss of sweet Baby. You are an amazingly brave person, and I am so proud of you for escaping.
Andrea thank you so much for your kind words, Baby is missed daily as she never had enough time to live an abusive free life but I try making it up for her with my other dogs. Thank you for calling me brave and being proud of me but I had to do it to survive and its been a struggle with no regrets.
Such a wonderful story of survival. Baby and you definitely found each other when you both needed the other. I’m so glad she got you in your safe home. What a special girl! Then Layla picked up her chore of looking after you and now Nili. You are blessed to have so many wonderful kids. I will definitely be sharing your story. Henry says Nili needs a cookie.
Terri thank you for your kind words and putting it so perfectly how they have each take over the chore and grow old with me. I was very blessed with Baby and Layla and now Nili. Nili thanks Henry for the cookie and woofs he deserves one also
My heart aches for what you and Baby went through, but your story is in inspirational in how you both survived and how she inspired and helped you and ultimately, you both helped each other to a better life. The fact you share your story to help others, is truly inspirational and one to share.
Thank you so much for your kind words Dorothy, I hope that by sharing it inspires others. I was very blessed to have Baby with me, she was my rock and kept me going in many ways, running with her is one of the best things I have ever done in my life. Thank you for sharing.